In January I decided to focus on TRUST. In December I was feeling anxious about letting God have final say in my life. It is so hard to hand things over to Him, and I knew that I needed to let Him in and let myself just trust that He knows what is best for me. It sounds easy, but this was not an easy task. I prayed every day for trust. Little by little, I felt my heart change. January started off strong, but by mid-January everyone was getting sick and now hindsight tells me that I was beginning to have a flare-up. By the time we got to the end of January, I realized I had a new task on my heart.
After finally beginning to trust, I knew that the next step to grow spiritually was to SURRENDER to God's will. It is one thing to start to trust God, but to surrender completely? Oh, man. February was a rough month for a few reasons. We were sick pretty much the entire month. I started feeling worse and worse. Winter was never-ending and then we were hit with some financial struggles. I was feeling like I was backed into a corner! The only thing I could do was surrender. There were no other options. I was despairing and knew that God was the only way out of it.
Now that I hit rock bottom, I had to focus on HOPE. Hope that spring is around the corner and we won't be sick so much. Hope that my flare-up will get under control. Hope that we can get out feet under us financially. "Pray, hope, and don't worry. Worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer." ~St. Padre Pio. Honestly, right now hope is hard when you feel so terrible, but then I remember: this is only temporary. Jesus is the living hope, and in heaven there will be no worry or misery.
As I look back on the first quarter of the year, I can see God's hand in my life. He is guiding me somewhere. I have no idea where, but I trust Him. I surrender to His will. And I hope that it will be good.