Monday, October 26, 2015

My Spiritual Gifts

Within my head there is a constant struggle acknowledging the gifts God has given me. Because He has chosen to give me gifts that are not "mainstream," I grapple with my lack of self-confidence. There are many times I feel I am floating adrift in this world, which lacks understanding for individuals like myself. Seeking the gifts God has given me is a constant exercise in introspection and reflection. Who am I? What can I do to honor Him? How can I serve Him? What are my gifts that will give Him glory and honor?

Unfortunately, I tend to focus on the gifts I have not been given. I don't speak well in crowds nor do I have an easy time writing out my thoughts. Since I have difficulty with reading comprehension, I lack deep understanding of the Bible and CCC.  I am anxious and afraid with people because I have a hard time trusting and feeling comfortable in groups. Feelings of being insignificant and forgotten plague me which leads me to self-doubt and self-loathe. Instead of being influential in the Church, I find myself questioning my place and any plans God could possibly use me for.

I am learning to let go of the negativity that I am placing in my own head. Why do that to myself? God knows me. God knows my soul. God knows everything about me. Clearly I need to allow Him to provide for me. Instead of searching and clamoring for spiritual gifts that He has not bestowed on me, I should be praising and honoring Him with the gifts He has granted me.

Singing joyfully unto the Lord is a big part of my being. Although I will never be a soloist at the New York Philharmonic, God has given me the gift of music and I can serve God by sharing this gift with others through teaching and praising God in song. Because of this gift, I have a purpose, even if it feels like a very small one.

Even though I will never become a motivational speaker or best-selling author, I do have the graces to be a good mother to my three children. Graciously God has placed three beautiful souls in my care. Perhaps, for right now, my job is to raise and nurture these children and enable them to make changes when it is their time.

I don't know what all my spiritual gifts are yet. While I acknowledge the gift of music, I have not acknowledged much else. I used to hear God often but lately He has been very quiet. I think He wants me to listen harder but... it's hard!! I have a lot to learn.

Since I do not know where God will lead me nor do I know what gifts I have yet to uncover I need to allow Him to change and mold me to do His will. What I do know is that I need to stop the negativity in my head.  I am a major work in progress. Hopefully with His grace I can help others love, honor, and serve Him alongside me. Maybe just a little.

Thank you, my Lord, for blessing me with your grace. Thank you for the gifts you have given me. Please help me to use them to love, honor, and serve you. I adore you. I trust you. I love you. Amen.

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